Changed

From the outskirts of the town // Where of old the mile-stone stood,

Now a stranger, looking down // I behold the shadowy crown // Of the dark and haunted wood.

Is it changed, or am I changed? // Ah! the oaks are fresh and green,

But the friends with whom I ranged // Through their thickets are estranged // By the years that intervene.

Bright as ever flows the sea, // Bright as ever shines the sun,

But alas! they seem to me // Not the sun that used to be, // Not the tides that used to run.

in the land of words

Internal Monologues. Debates. Arguments. Fictional Characters. Identifications. Reflections.

Thank you. You have no idea how much that simple gesture means to me. Thank you. I am grateful for every time spent, for every encouraging word said, for every loving caress, for every smile sent my way. I'm sorry for not giving you the time of day before. You have been patient, very patient. Thank you.


You are really starting to annoy me. BIGTIME. You are so sensitive and so emotional. Wake up! Smell the thorns! Life is simply like that. Crap like this happens. Why do you have to be so overly sensitive about every single word said? Why must you analyze every simple action made? You are so... UGH. You brood. You sulk. You let the whole world know that you're lonely. It's pathetic. I want to remove that permanent scowl and frown off your face by stapling the corners of your lips upwards. SMILE!!! It's not soooo hard you know??? I'm not saying that you pretend! All I'm saying is this. STOP SEEKING ATTENTION. You're old enough for crying out loud. Stop acting like a petulant child.


You really have a knack of disappearing, right? And when you especially need my help you demand it from me like it's your god given right to do so. Let me tell you oh-so-conceited-one, I will not always be here for you. I know you're stubborn. I know you're proud and I know that you will pompously say that you'll find help somewhere if you can't get it from me. This is why it's sort of pathetic of me to even say these things for they bear no weight. This will be dismissed easily. I will be dismissed easily. That knowledge used to hurt but I tell you now, it doesn't anymore. I am numb against it and it feels so frigging great.


Why are you lying? Why can't you just admit the truth? Why hide behind a mask? Why bother yourself with all these pretensions knowing that we could see through them? Do you want us to tell you face to face that we know? Are you waiting for us to call it to your attention? Or are you so oblivious to the fact that it's so obvious? Are you that blind? Or do you know that you're blind and you're loving every minute of it?


I really wish that you'd grow up. Really soon. My patience is wearing thin nowadays.


Does it make you feel better if you start rumors against them? Against me? Against my friends? Does it make you feel like you're above us? Does it give you a sense of comfort that you don't really need us even if you really do? I hope you're happy. Sarcasm aside. I wish you happiness. You really seem to need it. I just hope you'd find it not by ruining us.


You know what? I feel guilty. Why? Because they keep on blaming me for why you left. Do I feel guilty? Of course I do. But if I could go back and change anything, will I really change things between us? NO. I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be. I sorry you can't be the person that I need. The person that I want. That's just how the way things are. Why can't you put this behind you? It's been years. I am not worth it, believe me. I am not worth agonizing after. Put me behind you, move on and then face me again. You'll find yourself happier than ever. Move on mate. Move on.


I.Do.Not.Want.Him. Is that hard to remember? Five words. Geez.


You're such a controlling freak.


Obsessed much?


Leave me alone. Three words. THREE words. Do I have to spell it out for you?


I know you're ashamed of me. I can feel it everytime you look at me. You joke about it, but I can sense that you mean it every single time. You think that it doesn't bother me. My whole... situation. You think that I am unaffected by all of these things because that's what I tell you. Truth is, if you believe the crap that's coming out of my mouth you really don't know me at all. Don't worry, I don't know me as well. Welcome to the club.


And so it begins. I am looking forward to it.