Changed

From the outskirts of the town // Where of old the mile-stone stood,

Now a stranger, looking down // I behold the shadowy crown // Of the dark and haunted wood.

Is it changed, or am I changed? // Ah! the oaks are fresh and green,

But the friends with whom I ranged // Through their thickets are estranged // By the years that intervene.

Bright as ever flows the sea, // Bright as ever shines the sun,

But alas! they seem to me // Not the sun that used to be, // Not the tides that used to run.

thoughts that became words

Here are the thoughts stuck in this head of mine; the thoughts that I have put into words, not said, only typed and posted in this space. Here are the words that are better left unsaid, better left unspoken, better left unknown.

Come on, at least give me some credit. Is that what you think of me? Just because of some silly misunderstanding or rumor, I'd pounce on you immediately and believe them? Think like them? Judge you like how they did? Not defend you at all and agree with them that you are not who they thought you were? It hurts that you would think that you know. Some friends we are, huh?


Most of the time, I feel used. By you. The only reason why you're close to me is because of my relations and nothing more. I don't know why I always get this feeling, but I do. It just doesn't go away. Everytime I talk to you, it's there. Everytime I see you, it hits me. Hard. Everytime you complement me, there's this nagging feeling telling me that you only do that to win the graces of my parents. You are the living proof that I am loved simply because I am their daughter, his sister. I am loved because of who my parents are. Who my brother is. What my surname is. Nothing more, nothing less.


You said that you want to rebuild whatever that was broken. You said that you miss our friendship. You said that you felt it when I moved away. You say a lot of things but I know that you don't really mean them. You really don't. I wish for you to be honest to me. I wish for you to tell me the damn truth because that's all we have. Just the truth. There's no more friendship. There's no more trust. Just the truth. If you can't hold onto the truth, I am not so sure if we could ever rebuild anything that was broken again. If you can't do that, I'm not so sure if I want to do any rebuilding at all.


That's a stupid question.



Everytime I look at them, I am reminded of what you are capable of doing and it scares the hell out of me.